Happy Birthday to my First Love

So many many years ago, I fell in love. I didn’t know at the time I was in love…figured I was too young and afraid to commit to anything. Afraid to defy my parents.

That man stayed on my mind for years. I thought about him all the time, even through a marriage. After my first divorce, I located him and we did talk. He was with someone else, but it was good hearing from him.

A couple of years ago, we reconnected on Facebook. I was married, although we separated a couple months later. He chatted with me a lot through my break up and will always hold a piece of my heart for being there for me when I needed support. He is with someone now and I wish the two of them all the happiness in the world.

Somehow over the last couple years, I have found my own strength and realized that I am pretty happy on my own, living my life the way I want. I also realized that the boy I fell in love with and who had lived in my mind for so many years was not the man he actually became. I had changed him into someone of my own making over time.

Ghosts in the Shadows

Walking down by the river
Deep in the underbrush
I found you
Hidden in the shadows.

Memories flood my mind
Like unshed tears
As I realize
Those memories aren’t memories at all
Rather manufactured dreams
Dreams of how we could have been together
If we had stayed together
Ghosts of a past
That never really existed

How can I hold you if you were never real to start with
How can I look the real you in the eye
Knowing that my remembrances
Over all these years
Have been altered to fit my ideals
You have been changed

Watching the mist change with the rising sun
I see the ethereal vision of you
Fade into the mystical magical
And know that the dream will remain
Even if you never reappear.