Giving Myself Permission


One of the interesting side-developments of this fitness journey is that I am taking on a lot of different aspects of myself. This is not just about losing weight or living a healthy lifestyle. I am finding that I am tackling some healing that needs to happen, and some things I have spent my life fighting.

I started this post thinking about dinner tonight. I have never really gotten the hang of cooking for one. I always cook too much and I tend to eat it all. Which doesn’t jive with the lifestyle I am trying to create for myself. I have to learn to eat less and healthier. I am working on changing food choices, but amounts are still challenging me. So I need to learn to give myself permission to save some for later.

I need to learn to give myself permission.

I am in charge of my life. No need to look to anyone else for permission. I’m it. No one to save me, no safety net. Pretty powerful stuff for someone who has spent her life following the lead of whoever was in charge.

No more walking on eggshells, waiting for the explosion. No more keeping my mouth shut for safety sake, even though I knew what needed to be said. No more dancing around, skirting the issue to keep the peace.

It’s somewhat scary not being scared.

Now, though, I have to learn to do some of those things that I have never really had to worry about. Money management…which I am not particularly good at. Time management…which I can do if I have a goal. And this fitness journey.

I need to give myself permission to succeed.

Goal Setting


As a teacher, I am very aware of setting goals: goals that are measurable and attainable. However, I have not ever really done much in the way of goal setting on a personal level.

As I have started my fitness journey this time, I have done a couple of things differently. First, I am seeing a wellness coach. She is helping me to keep my focus and to think about goals. Secondly, I have started looking at the end game. What is it that I want to accomplish? Just saying I want to lose weight or I want to be healthier isn’t enough. I have an eventual goal weight but that is so far away from where I am now, that it doesn’t seem like a realistic goal.

The first goal I set was to record everything I eat…no cheating because really, who am I cheating? I have done well with that, even though its been somewhat painful to realize how badly I eat when I’m not thinking about it. Way way way too much fat…LOL! I am working on changing my thoughts on eating. Those who know me realize how hard that is. I’m a baker and cook whenever I can.

The second goal is one that has been in my mind for a long time. I want to be able to hike up mountains, specifically up the Pino Trail to Sandia Crest. This plan is what has really fueled my fitness journey. I NEED to be in better shape for this to happen.

So, my current goal is to walk at least 6 times a week. Since the start of July, I have walked every day but one. Most of my walks have been at least a mile. So I am now adding a new goal to this. I am going to sign up for a 5k walk on Aug 6th with a challenge to myself to do one 5k a month for the next year. I don’t know if I will eventually run these or not…I have never been a runner. But you never know!

I have added some weight work to my plan but haven’t decided what my goal there is yet. I know that building strength is part of what I need to do, so I will come up with a plan.

Somehow, I am cobbling together a fitness plan that I enjoy and am doing on my terms 🙂 Looking forward to the day I can take a picture of myself at the top of the mountain!!!

Getting Started…Again :)


Here we go…
I have been heavy for a long time. Not in my childhood, but since getting married the first time and having children. I weighed 160 when I got married, 200 after my first daughter, 220 after the second, and 250 after my son. In the last 20 years, I’ve been divorced, married and divorced again. And put on another 60 pounds. I’ve dieted kind of haphazardly over the years.

After my second divorce, I sat down and thought seriously about what I was doing. I knew I couldn’t keep doing thing the way I had been but I wasn’t sure what I wanted. I love the outdoors and taking pictures of landscapes I see. So I decided I wanted to hike in order to get better pictures. Somewhere along the way, I decided I wanted to challenge myself to hike the Pino Trail to the top of Sandia in Albuquerque. This is a 9 mile hike up and back…up the side of a mountain. Seriously need to get into better shape to make this happen.

Recently, I have found my motivation. I am seeing a wellness coach and have hiked in the foothills or walked in my neighborhood every day but one since the start of July. I have lost 7 pounds and am working to change my eating habits. I’m feeling good and have good friends who have been encouraging me and hiking with me. The last week or so I am waking up thinking about the walk 🙂 Just need to keep the focus and get some of these habits ingrained before school starts up in a few weeks!

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