Butterfinger Cheesecake 


My son loves cheesecake and he loves peanut butter. So for his 21st birthday, I came up with this recipe☺

Crust

1 1/2 cup crushed pretzels

1/3 cup butter

Filling

5 pkg cream cheese

1 1/2 cup sugar

1 cup peanut butter

2 tsp vanilla

3 eggs

1 cup butterfinger pieces

Topping

1/2 cup crushed pretzels

1/2 cup butterfinger chips

1/2 cup white chocolate chips
1. Combine pretzels and butter for the crust. Press into the bottom of a greased pan. Bake at 350 for 5 minutes. Cool.

2. Beat cream cheese and sugar until smooth. Add peanut butter and vanilla. Mix well. Add eggs and beat on low until just combined. Stir in butterfinger pieces. Pour over crust.

3. Bake at 350 for 50-55 minutes or until almost set. Remove from the oven and let sit for 15 minutes. 

4. Combine topping ingredients and sprinkle over cake. Bake 10 minutes longer. 

5. Cool for 1 hour. Refrigerate leftovers (if you have any!)

Phoenix



Despite all those who said I was too much…

Too fat

Too loud

Too verbose

Too proud

And despite the pain

The heartache 

Sleepless nights

Chairs thrown across the room

Belongings destroyed

Paralyzing panic attacks

Threats

Punches

Nightmares

Fear

Fuck it. I’m done.

Never again will I make myself small for someone who can’t handle me.

Never again will I lose myself for another.

Never again will I remain silent.

I am me.

Love me or leave me

For I have risen from the ashes.

Missing You


IMG_4504
I miss you
Holding hands
Talking about nothing and everything
Knowing that anything said
Was just between us

Embracing me
And whispering that we were okay
Everything was going to be okay
And it was

Smiling eyes
Encouraging me to face my fears
Challenging me to move beyond
What I thought I could be

Revelations and Refections-A Letter to Myself


Salutations Dear One

First, congratulations on the growth you have made over the last few years. It is amazing how far you have come.

However, don’t stop yet. There are still many miles to go in this journey. And as we saw this last week, you’re still not whole. 

The biggest thing you need to remember…. you are strong and capable. You don’t need external validation. 

And you need to forget this idea that you are a fraud. You’re not. No one else thinks it. It’s just that stupid voice in your head. Silence that voice.

Focus on the positive. Focus on all the amazing things you’ve done.  Focus on your dreams. Focus on the love💜

Love always,

Your number one fan😊

Musings


Sitting here reminiscing over a plate of chicken fried steak and eggs, I’m amazed at how far I’ve come. Four years ago, I was scared of my own shadow. Afraid of upsetting people and hiding when I could. It’s been a long, sometimes hard journey, but despite the obstacles, I’ve come out stronger and way more confident than I ever could have dreamed. 

The anxiety I felt is subsiding. The fear is gone. And I’ve realized that if others get upset, that’s on them, not me. I am not responsible for anyone’s comfort or happiness. And on the flip side of that, no one is responsible for my happiness and comfort.

Loving every little thing about this life, this freedom. It is a truly beautiful time to be alive!

“You Have No Power Over Me!!” 


https://youtu.be/emebPH6ys

This is one of my favorite scenes in the movie, Labrinth. Sara finally realizes that she is in control, rather than being controlled.

I have felt that same feeling of empowerment lately. I have been married for more than half my life. Twice…both times, I felt as if I had no control. I’ve been single for the last four years and finally feel that I am in charge.

A couple months ago, I quit talking to the second one completely. He was still controlling me to a degree through financial assistance and guilt trips and a little fear on my part. Since he’s been gone, I’ve been able to create a bit of professional success and a lot of personal security. Is everything perfect? No, but I know I can figure things out on my own.

He called last week. I realized that for my own personal growth,  I needed to put my fear and anger behind me. So I responded to his call. He came by and things were ok. But he also figured he was back and pushed to have me help him. I refused and he immediately went to threats and then told me never to ask for anything again.

Ok…

And it was gone… any power he had over me is gone. I’m free!

Publication Finally :)


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