Missing You


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I miss you
Holding hands
Talking about nothing and everything
Knowing that anything said
Was just between us

Embracing me
And whispering that we were okay
Everything was going to be okay
And it was

Smiling eyes
Encouraging me to face my fears
Challenging me to move beyond
What I thought I could be

Musings


Sitting here reminiscing over a plate of chicken fried steak and eggs, I’m amazed at how far I’ve come. Four years ago, I was scared of my own shadow. Afraid of upsetting people and hiding when I could. It’s been a long, sometimes hard journey, but despite the obstacles, I’ve come out stronger and way more confident than I ever could have dreamed. 

The anxiety I felt is subsiding. The fear is gone. And I’ve realized that if others get upset, that’s on them, not me. I am not responsible for anyone’s comfort or happiness. And on the flip side of that, no one is responsible for my happiness and comfort.

Loving every little thing about this life, this freedom. It is a truly beautiful time to be alive!

“You Have No Power Over Me!!” 


https://youtu.be/emebPH6ys

This is one of my favorite scenes in the movie, Labrinth. Sara finally realizes that she is in control, rather than being controlled.

I have felt that same feeling of empowerment lately. I have been married for more than half my life. Twice…both times, I felt as if I had no control. I’ve been single for the last four years and finally feel that I am in charge.

A couple months ago, I quit talking to the second one completely. He was still controlling me to a degree through financial assistance and guilt trips and a little fear on my part. Since he’s been gone, I’ve been able to create a bit of professional success and a lot of personal security. Is everything perfect? No, but I know I can figure things out on my own.

He called last week. I realized that for my own personal growth,  I needed to put my fear and anger behind me. So I responded to his call. He came by and things were ok. But he also figured he was back and pushed to have me help him. I refused and he immediately went to threats and then told me never to ask for anything again.

Ok…

And it was gone… any power he had over me is gone. I’m free!

Publication Finally :)


Wandering


 

IMG_4309Wandering

Wondering

Pondering

As I grow fonder

Of the wander

and I wonder

How much longer

Will I wander.

Fearless


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I’ve spent a lot of my life afraid…afraid of everything. Afraid of life.

A lot of that life hiding in books and daydreams.

And looking for love and acceptance

Or maybe looking for me.

Somewhere along the way I disappeared

I hid my true self and adopted the self others thought were best

Pretending to be what they wanted

And ignoring the little voice crying in my mind.

No more…

I’ve been slowly chipping away at those layers

Layers of other personalities

of other people’s versions of me

And like a chick breaking out of its shell

Stretching for freedom

I have found me.

And I refuse to hide again for anyone.

Humanism


humanism

The definition of humanism is a set of beliefs and values based upon the idea that humans are basically good and that problems can be addressed using reason rather than religion.

So many of the world’s problems could be alleviated if more people would think this way. Remove religion and look at the human. Remove religion and feed the hungry, house the homeless, teach the children. Take care of the problems of the world without worrying about religious dogma.

The first hurdle to this idea is to remove greed from the equation as well. So many solutions get stymied by money. Food doesn’t leave the docks because the right palms haven’t been greased. Meanwhile, small children are starving to death in the streets. Wars are fought over the oil in the ground and the ones paying for that oil are the children killed when their world is blown to bits. Children are not educated because of the threat they may one day pose to those in power. I truly believe that the majority of people are good and well intended, but that greed causes those in power to ignore the plight of the majority.

Of course, the next hurdle is the religion removing the religious aspects that stand between us. And you find yourself back at greed. The leaders of the world understand the hold religions have on their followers. And they twist religion to meet their own needs. So, the people follow those leaders, believing that their interests are being attended. It ends up in vicious cycle with different leaders pitting their followers against those of different beliefs.

So, the question is….

How do we help all people without getting involved in this cacophony? We need to silence the noise and deal with the true catastrophe, the poor souls left out of the world stage: the children, the poor, the elderly, the sick. We need to save them and regain our human dignity and spirit.

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