Phoenix



Despite all those who said I was too much…

Too fat

Too loud

Too verbose

Too proud

And despite the pain

The heartache 

Sleepless nights

Chairs thrown across the room

Belongings destroyed

Paralyzing panic attacks

Threats

Punches

Nightmares

Fear

Fuck it. I’m done.

Never again will I make myself small for someone who can’t handle me.

Never again will I lose myself for another.

Never again will I remain silent.

I am me.

Love me or leave me

For I have risen from the ashes.

Wandering


 

IMG_4309Wandering

Wondering

Pondering

As I grow fonder

Of the wander

and I wonder

How much longer

Will I wander.

Fearless


IMG_4380

I’ve spent a lot of my life afraid…afraid of everything. Afraid of life.

A lot of that life hiding in books and daydreams.

And looking for love and acceptance

Or maybe looking for me.

Somewhere along the way I disappeared

I hid my true self and adopted the self others thought were best

Pretending to be what they wanted

And ignoring the little voice crying in my mind.

No more…

I’ve been slowly chipping away at those layers

Layers of other personalities

of other people’s versions of me

And like a chick breaking out of its shell

Stretching for freedom

I have found me.

And I refuse to hide again for anyone.

Linger


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Linger a little longer

Taste on my tongue

Touch on my skin

Breath in my lungs

Words in my ear

Memory in my mind

Love in my heart

Like the clouds caught atop the mountains

Waiting on the sun.

Flight


geeseontheriogrande

Flight

The stuff of dreams

High above, getting a bird’s eye view

Soaring

Freedom

 

Flight

Running rather than standing ground

Hiding not fighting

Self preservation

Instead of fear

 

Flight

of fancy

Daydreams turning to reality

Sparkling and new

Starry eyed

 

Flight

So many choices

Possibilities

Chances

Dreams

Colors


 

dreams

The sky is bleeding, she said.

The color draining out of it and pooling on the ground.

I just rolled my eyes.

Don’t you see the horses running in the clouds?

Get your head out of the clouds and focus.

Listen, listen, I have a great idea!

Not now I’m busy. I don’t have time for your dreams.

Hold on, don’t move so fast. My puppy can’t keep up.

We’re late, no time to wait on your imaginary puppy.

He’ll be there when we get back.

But what if he isn’t?

C’mon. If we have time I’ll buy you an ice cream.

But my puppy…

Not now.

Why are you crying over something that doesn’t even exist?

Why are you letting imagination get in the way of reality?

Grow up. You’re an adult.

You have a job to do. A life to live. People are counting on you.

But life isn’t worth living without the dreams and whimsy.

Something to put the color back into the sky, back into my life.

Challenge


Embudo

Rounding the path
Seeking for that elusive something
Always hiding around the next bend
Scrambling over rocks
Skipping over streams
Hoping
Wishing
Longing for a hint of freedom
Carried in the breeze
A feeling of accomplishment
As the trail becomes easier
Less scary
Determination fueling need
The need to do more, be more
To prove something to yourself

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