Look to the east
It’s the dawn of a new day
All brand new and shiny and full of promise
Reflecting warmth and color
Bringing daydreams to life
Rays of sunlight
Reaching for Earth
Christening the morn with hope and happiness
For one heart-stopping moment
All possibility seems tangible
As sunlight dances with clouds
Then the sun peeks over the horizon
Stores her beauty for another morning
While radiantly warming our world.
Dark, cold and unrelenting
Fear, curling through the darkness like a fog
Panic, bubbling up and boiling over
Can’t see, can’t scream, can’t run
All the pain that adults can inflict on the young comes back in dreams.
Somehow the lock on the box is gone
The demons are loose creating havoc
On the unsuspecting, unaware of the forgotten hell
That reveals itself in the dark of night.
Is this a memory or just the product of an overactive imagination?
And the better question…
How do we get the monsters back into the box.
Despite all those who said I was too much…
And despite the pain
Chairs thrown across the room
Paralyzing panic attacks
Fuck it. I’m done.
Never again will I make myself small for someone who can’t handle me.
Never again will I lose myself for another.
Never again will I remain silent.
I am me.
Love me or leave me
For I have risen from the ashes.
I’ve spent a lot of my life afraid…afraid of everything. Afraid of life.
A lot of that life hiding in books and daydreams.
And looking for love and acceptance
Or maybe looking for me.
Somewhere along the way I disappeared
I hid my true self and adopted the self others thought were best
Pretending to be what they wanted
And ignoring the little voice crying in my mind.
I’ve been slowly chipping away at those layers
Layers of other personalities
of other people’s versions of me
And like a chick breaking out of its shell
Stretching for freedom
I have found me.
And I refuse to hide again for anyone.
Linger a little longer
Taste on my tongue
Touch on my skin
Breath in my lungs
Words in my ear
Memory in my mind
Love in my heart
Like the clouds caught atop the mountains
Waiting on the sun.
The stuff of dreams
High above, getting a bird’s eye view
Running rather than standing ground
Hiding not fighting
Instead of fear
Daydreams turning to reality
Sparkling and new
So many choices