Wandering


 

IMG_4309Wandering

Wondering

Pondering

As I grow fonder

Of the wander

and I wonder

How much longer

Will I wander.

Fearless


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I’ve spent a lot of my life afraid…afraid of everything. Afraid of life.

A lot of that life hiding in books and daydreams.

And looking for love and acceptance

Or maybe looking for me.

Somewhere along the way I disappeared

I hid my true self and adopted the self others thought were best

Pretending to be what they wanted

And ignoring the little voice crying in my mind.

No more…

I’ve been slowly chipping away at those layers

Layers of other personalities

of other people’s versions of me

And like a chick breaking out of its shell

Stretching for freedom

I have found me.

And I refuse to hide again for anyone.

Following my Dreams 2017


following-my-dreams

My plans for 2017 are basically to continue the path I started in 2016

Continue to work on my health, losing weight and getting stronger

Hiking…I hope to hike the Pino Trail to the top of Sandia and possibly La Luz as well

Camping

Road trips around New Mexico to see some of what I’ve not seen. In particular, Carlsbad Caverns, White Sands, Bandalier

Possibly some out-of-state travel… out-of-the-country would be cool

Finish the novel I’m working on and get some of my writing published

Make time for some of my other hobbies

Have Fun!!!!!

Happy New Years!!!!

Flight


geeseontheriogrande

Flight

The stuff of dreams

High above, getting a bird’s eye view

Soaring

Freedom

 

Flight

Running rather than standing ground

Hiding not fighting

Self preservation

Instead of fear

 

Flight

of fancy

Daydreams turning to reality

Sparkling and new

Starry eyed

 

Flight

So many choices

Possibilities

Chances

Dreams

Colors


 

dreams

The sky is bleeding, she said.

The color draining out of it and pooling on the ground.

I just rolled my eyes.

Don’t you see the horses running in the clouds?

Get your head out of the clouds and focus.

Listen, listen, I have a great idea!

Not now I’m busy. I don’t have time for your dreams.

Hold on, don’t move so fast. My puppy can’t keep up.

We’re late, no time to wait on your imaginary puppy.

He’ll be there when we get back.

But what if he isn’t?

C’mon. If we have time I’ll buy you an ice cream.

But my puppy…

Not now.

Why are you crying over something that doesn’t even exist?

Why are you letting imagination get in the way of reality?

Grow up. You’re an adult.

You have a job to do. A life to live. People are counting on you.

But life isn’t worth living without the dreams and whimsy.

Something to put the color back into the sky, back into my life.

This Crazy Journey


embudo-morning

Recently, I have seen a couple of messages on social media hoping 2017 is better than 2016. While I would hope it is better, 2016 has been pretty good for me. Not in the way people usually measure success… I’m single and broke. But I have learned to work with what I have and how to live my life on my terms.

Somewhere in the past year, I found some motivation I didn’t know I had. I started out with the idea that I didn’t want to grow old as an overweight, unhealthy person. I don’t want to have medication for the looming health problems. Shoot, I don’t want to grow old at all!

So I found a wellness coach and started to change my eating habits, cutting out a lot of processed food and working (still a work in progress) on portion control. At the same time, I started walking and worked very hard to make it a part of my daily routine. When I started, I only wanted to walk on hiking trails, not in the neighborhood and I didn’t want to go to the gym at all. At some point, neighborhood walking became part of it because I don’t always have time to drive to the foothills to walk. And this last week, I added the gym back as well because there are times when I don’t feel like walking. Since the 1st of July, I have missed less than 10 days of exercise 🙂 and have lost about 25 pounds.

However, the journey isn’t just about my physical health. My brain is getting involved too. I am beginning to realize that I can take care of myself.

I finally cut an extremely toxic relationship out of my life. It was harder than it should’ve been because he was backing me up. At least I thought he was. I finally saw what many around me had already noticed… everything he did to help me had strings attached to it. So while I thought I was moving on with my life, he was still controlling parts of it. It’s been a struggle the last couple weeks just getting past that idea that I am truly doing this without that safety net.

There are a couple of people who have been extremely helpful and encouraging…hiking with me, listening to me stress, giving advice but not getting in the way of this journey I am on. For them, I am eternally grateful because without the support I don’t know if I could’ve kept moving forward. And of course, all my other friends and family who are cheering me on. Thank you for that

So 2016 has been a year of discovery for me. Not always easy but phenomenal in a lot of ways. I am rebuilding myself into someone I have always wanted to be. My plan for 2017 will be to continue the process.

2015 Revisited and Looking Forward to 2016


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As I sit here on the eve of a new year, I am thinking about the past crazy twelve months. The end of December 2014, I made the decision to leave the home I had lived in for seven years. I fought so hard to get and keep that house, had made it a home and gathering place for my family. But the combination of the commute, the maintenance, and a general dissatisfaction in the way my life was going prompted me to move on. By January 7th, I had pretty much completely uprooted my life and moved to my little rental. I may eventually buy a house again, but for now this is a good place to be 🙂

house

I also changed jobs. I had been at St. Mary’s since 2008. I moved to Albuquerque School of Excellence in August. I am the 6th grade English teacher/Reading Specialist. This also was a good change 🙂 I love my new job! I also got a second job to help get the finances in order so I can pursue some dreams. I do Boars Head store demos on weekends and breaks from school.

My daughter Heather had her third son and my sixth grandbaby. Love these lil guys!

I spent a lot of time with my animals. I got a new dog, my sweet Micky. I also lost Ava 😦 My fur babies help keep me grounded!

I’ve spent time with my children, both of my sisters and my dad this year. I need to try to include my family in my life more often.

I have traveled quite a bit around this beautiful state, especially in the last couple weeks!

I’ve enjoyed hobbies, although I would like to make more time for fun things like writing, quilting, cooking, and hiking.

 

I’ve met some wonderful new people and reconnected with some that I had lost track of along the way and strengthened a couple of friendships.

No resolutions for 2016. I just want to continue to grow as a person and enjoy my life. Happy New Year to you all!!!

 

 

 

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