Faded Blue Jeans


Some days I need a reminder
When I try too hard to fit
Someone else’s idea
Of how my life should be.

I start thinking
That I need structure
And organization
And to do what society
Considers normal

Like a pair of designer pants
With tucks and pleats
Need to be dry cleaned
Kept pressed
But damn, they look good.

A prison of my own making.

What I want…
No
What I need…
Faded blue jeans
Willing to go along
With whatever
With a wink
And fireworks.

Snowstorm


Winds

Biting, snapping, painful

Cold

A few icy flakes

Frozen pellets blowing in the gale

Multiplying now

A whirlwind of snowy bullets

That melt upon hitting the ground

Until darkness cools the ground

And all the liquid deviltry

Refreezes

Into slick, dangerous glass on roads and sidewalks

Covered by the continuing snow.

Complications


passion

Complications

You were the complication I didn’t need.
With your smiling eyes
Treated me like a queen
Left me reeling
Lying there
Bones turned to gelatin
Brains to mush
Stretching languidly
Smiling
Like a cat heading to prowl

We fit together so perfectly
Two, interconnected
Electric impulses
Following your magic hands
Nerve-endings on alert
Feeling the rush
As passion crashes over us
Synchronous movement
Screaming
Our pleasure to the heavens

I wasn’t looking for this
This need, like a bullet to the brain
Aching
Begging for more
Knowing I should run
Yet wondering just where
Into your waiting arms?
Or as far as fast away
Confused
With you on my mind

Happy Birthday to my First Love


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So many many years ago, I fell in love. I didn’t know at the time I was in love…figured I was too young and afraid to commit to anything. Afraid to defy my parents.

That man stayed on my mind for years. I thought about him all the time, even through a marriage. After my first divorce, I located him and we did talk. He was with someone else, but it was good hearing from him.

A couple of years ago, we reconnected on Facebook. I was married, although we separated a couple months later. He chatted with me a lot through my break up and will always hold a piece of my heart for being there for me when I needed support. He is with someone now and I wish the two of them all the happiness in the world.

Somehow over the last couple years, I have found my own strength and realized that I am pretty happy on my own, living my life the way I want. I also realized that the boy I fell in love with and who had lived in my mind for so many years was not the man he actually became. I had changed him into someone of my own making over time.

Ghosts in the Shadows

Walking down by the river
Deep in the underbrush
I found you
Hidden in the shadows.

Memories flood my mind
Like unshed tears
As I realize
Those memories aren’t memories at all
Rather manufactured dreams
Dreams of how we could have been together
If we had stayed together
Ghosts of a past
That never really existed

How can I hold you if you were never real to start with
How can I look the real you in the eye
Knowing that my remembrances
Over all these years
Have been altered to fit my ideals
You have been changed

Watching the mist change with the rising sun
I see the ethereal vision of you
Fade into the mystical magical
And know that the dream will remain
Even if you never reappear.

Pandora’s Box


Near Cuba

 

You say it’s freedom, letting your mind soar

All I feel is fear and panic oozing

Like lava boiling up inside

Threatening to engulf me

Burning me alive

Holding me captive.

 

Just relax, it will be fun

But fun isn’t releasing the spiders

In my head

The ones who control the Pandora’s Box

That I learned long ago to keep closed

Keep it buried

Behind all the song lyrics and random thoughts.

 

Oh c’mon, you will learn to enjoy it

Why should I have to learn enjoyment?

I enjoy many things

I don’t want to learn to enjoy

Fear and intimidation

Pain and panic induced nightmares.

 

What I want is the box that contains

All these scary sickening memories

To be locked back up

The key thrown away

What I want is the negativity

To go away.

 

 

Epiphany


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Lying in bed trying to nap, I came to a realization today

While my brain was spinning webs, a thought lodged itself to stay.

We are all searching for that something special, even those who seem to have it all together.

A shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold

The sharing of joys and sorrows and stories told.

We are all searching for someone who needs us, even as we strive for our own independence.

Despite outward appearances, men are not immune

They feel the struggle as keenly as women do.

We are all searching for joy and happiness, in spite of the dictates society gives us.

In getting to know one another, patience and tolerance are needed

As we never know the struggles and strife our companion may have seen.

We are all searching for understanding, as that is what we all desire.

To the Moon and Back


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I opened my hands to see the little firefly
Only for a moment
Before the flickering light left my fingers
And headed toward the skies

I look to the heavens at twilight
For that first twinkling
Like the twinkle in your eyes
Knowing you will watch from above

I listen for the whispers in the dark
Quiet conversations long after bedtime
Hoping to hear your voice in my ear
Validation and sweet nothings

I think of the past, wishing we had known
What the future would hold
But had we, we wouldn’t be here and now
Sharing memories and dreams

I wish for you all the best of everything
Despite the troubles, the pain
And please know, that beyond and above all else
I love you to the moon and back