Confession Time and Time to Take Back my Life.


I posted the following a couple of weeks ago on Facebook. Since then, I have had several people suggest I share my journey through a blog or other form of social media. I’m not sure how I feel about it, but I do want to document it for me…so I might as well share. Its a little strange using this forum, as this blog has been a place where I have shared recipes, a LOT of recipes, over the years. But I am comfortable here. Hopefully, this works….

 

 

 

So… I am the queen of doing things the hard way. Kind of irritated with myself right now. I have 3 relatively major medical things going on right now…2 of which could have been avoided if I would have controlled my weight.
Confession time… I have weighed over 300 pounds for over 20 years… a couple of years ago I got down to 285 but have regained all I lost. I know I had a family history of diabetes and I know that I have a genetic factor for blood clots. I know that losing weight and exercising regularly helps with both of them.
This summer, I have gotten the 2×4 to the back of the head wake-up call. And its time to get real. I have diabetes which I CAN control with diet and losing weight. I am going to have to deal with the faulty veins in my legs… compression socks and exercise and weightloss were today’s prescription. And I will be having a hysterectomy in May…and I need to lose 50+ pounds in order to make the surgery less complicated.
The doctor today suggested bariatric surgery but I’d really rather not. I don’t want to be on meds and I don’t want surgery unless I have no other choice. I still have a choice for now.
Why am I sharing this on Facebook? Because it motivates me… And because there are several of you who need to know all this anyway. And because I am going to need a lot more support than I ever have before because I HAVE to do this. It is no longer optional.
Thank you FB family for letting me vent. I’m not depressed or angry…just feeling the need to get serious about something I should have taken serious long ago.

Changes


This has been an interesting last few months. A lot of very positive changes in both my personal life and in my professional life. After several years of recovering and trying to decide which direction I should go, I think I have found the right path 🙂

The biggest change in my life is finding love. I had pretty much decided that I wasn’t going to do the relationship thing again. I met Len at the start of Christmas break and it was like coming home. It is definitely an ongoing adventure but I feel like I have found someone I can spend the rest of my life with.

Another big change happened at work. After 15 years of teaching elementary and middle school English and reading, I made the change to middle and high school Social Studies. I got my secondary license and taught 7th and 9th grade New Mexico history this spring. This fall, I will add AP Government. My BA was in history and political science, so this is an exciting change!

As an extension to the NM History, I created a new blog. I travel around the state a lot and take pictures. So I thought I should set up a place to share all things New Mexico. You can check it out at New Mexico~Home, History, Life.

Finally, I am continuing to write. My second novel is about half done. AND… I have a short story coming out in an anthology in September. I will keep you all posted on that!

Absolutely loving my life right now!

Reflections and New Beginnings


It’s that time again…time to say goodbye to the old year and hello to the new. I don’t really do resolutions, but I do like to look at where I’ve been and where I’m going.

2017 was an interesting year. A lot of fabulous highs and some lows. I’ve lost several people who were once very influential in my life and found others who I hope will become very important to me.

Professionally, this has been one of the best years ever. I completed and self-published my first novel. I obtained my level 3 teaching licensure in the spring. Right at the end of the year, I was licensed to teach high school as well. I will be teaching middle and high school New Mexico history beginning in January.

I did walk away from a couple of toxic relationships this year…people I should have separated from much sooner. My first husband passed away in April. He and I had not been close in many years but he was the father of my children and we had been married for close to 20 years. These losses caused me anxiety and depression through a lot of the year. 

This really affected my hiking. I had challenged myself to hike 1000 miles at the start of the year. Instead, I hiked just over 100 miles. I did push myself to go longer distances when I did go…several times I went further than 5 miles. I am going to continue to work toward my hike to the top of Sandia and to get closer to that 1000 mile mark in the coming year.

I did a little travelling this year. The highlight was my trip to New York and Washington D.C. over Thanksgiving. So. Much. Fun! I also went to Taos in the spring and Santa Fe a couple of times. I do plan to travel more in 2018.

Most of all, 2017 was a year of growth and change. I do not feel that I am the same person that I was at the beginning of the year.I am stronger and much more confident.

I am looking forward to continued growth in 2018. I have a new sparkly relationship. My teaching career is heading in a new direction. The second novel and the cookbook are coming together. And I have a mountain to climb! I’m very excited about the new possibilities 😊

Sunrise


clouds

Look to the east
It’s the dawn of a new day
All brand new and shiny and full of promise

Clouds
Reflecting warmth and color
Bringing daydreams to life

Rays of sunlight
Reaching for Earth
Christening the morn with hope and happiness

For one heart-stopping moment
All possibility seems tangible
As sunlight dances with clouds

Then the sun peeks over the horizon
Stores her beauty for another morning
While radiantly warming our world.

Fearless


IMG_4380

I’ve spent a lot of my life afraid…afraid of everything. Afraid of life.

A lot of that life hiding in books and daydreams.

And looking for love and acceptance

Or maybe looking for me.

Somewhere along the way I disappeared

I hid my true self and adopted the self others thought were best

Pretending to be what they wanted

And ignoring the little voice crying in my mind.

No more…

I’ve been slowly chipping away at those layers

Layers of other personalities

of other people’s versions of me

And like a chick breaking out of its shell

Stretching for freedom

I have found me.

And I refuse to hide again for anyone.

Following my Dreams 2017


following-my-dreams

My plans for 2017 are basically to continue the path I started in 2016

Continue to work on my health, losing weight and getting stronger

Hiking…I hope to hike the Pino Trail to the top of Sandia and possibly La Luz as well

Camping

Road trips around New Mexico to see some of what I’ve not seen. In particular, Carlsbad Caverns, White Sands, Bandalier

Possibly some out-of-state travel… out-of-the-country would be cool

Finish the novel I’m working on and get some of my writing published

Make time for some of my other hobbies

Have Fun!!!!!

Happy New Years!!!!

Colors


 

dreams

The sky is bleeding, she said.

The color draining out of it and pooling on the ground.

I just rolled my eyes.

Don’t you see the horses running in the clouds?

Get your head out of the clouds and focus.

Listen, listen, I have a great idea!

Not now I’m busy. I don’t have time for your dreams.

Hold on, don’t move so fast. My puppy can’t keep up.

We’re late, no time to wait on your imaginary puppy.

He’ll be there when we get back.

But what if he isn’t?

C’mon. If we have time I’ll buy you an ice cream.

But my puppy…

Not now.

Why are you crying over something that doesn’t even exist?

Why are you letting imagination get in the way of reality?

Grow up. You’re an adult.

You have a job to do. A life to live. People are counting on you.

But life isn’t worth living without the dreams and whimsy.

Something to put the color back into the sky, back into my life.